All Wrapped Up & Somewhere To Go

This was taken just before we left Durban to come back home to Jo'burg. I'm convinced she loves the car, coz every time she gets into it, she purrs like a cat and dozes off into a deep slumber.

Wide-Eyed and Wonderful

The Butterfly aka Sabreen is now 23 days old :)
It's an absolute joy to watch her learn new things every day. Little things she does excites me like I never knew possible. The opening and closing of her fingers as she watches them in amazement; the way she blinks her eyelids when I move up close to plant a kiss on her forehead; her eyelashes which are now starting to grow and compete with her dad's in length (something already tells me she may have longer lashes than I do, just when I thought that could never be possible.)

On Tuesday afternoon we leave Durban and head back home to Johannesburg. Her nursery is in it's final stages, and if I may say so myself, I think its going to look pretty cool when it's done.

The Curry Contest

THE MERCHANT'S REPORT OF THE DURBAN CURRY COOKOFF
(These are notes from an inexperienced curry taster named The Merchant, who was visiting Durban from Johannesburg.)
"Recently I was lucky enough to be the 10,000th visitor at the Radio Lotus Fair in Durban and was asked to fill in to be a judge at a curry cook-off. Apparently the original Judge #3 called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Indians from Durban, Marimuthoo and Sivalingum) that it would be a fun event and a true taste of Durban Indian hospitality. They assured me that the curries wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have as much free coldrinks during the tasting, so I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event."
*****Curry # 1: Bhen Gori's Bum-Burning Boti Curry
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
The Merchant: Holy cow, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two litres of coke to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. These Durbanites are crazy!
*****Curry # 2: Aasha Devi's Afterburner Chilli Curry
JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of mango pickle. Slight Jalapeno red chilli tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting chicken-tikka flavor, needs more chillies to be taken seriously.
The Merchant: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to walkie-talkie in 3 extra cases of chilled coke when they saw the look on my face. *****Curry # 3: Fatima Bibi's Famous Burn Down the Delhi Curry
JUDGE ONE: Excellent Bombay Style curry! Great kick. Needs more sugar-beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless curry, a bit salty, good use of red chilli.
The Merchant: Call the paramedics,tell Discovery Health my medical aid card is in my wallet; I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Jik Drain Cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by now. Nurse Aunty from Phoenix pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced and I think I may have soiled my briefs, im not sure, since I cant feel anything from the chest down.
*****Curry # 4: Baboo Bhai's Black Magic Curry
JUDGE ONE: Black chilliebean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black chilliebeans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry.
The Merchant: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Nurse Aunty from Phoenix, the local paramedic (who also sells Samoosa's as a sideline), was standing behind me with fresh refills of chilled coke; that 300 lb. hairy Aunty is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste i'm eating.
*****Curry # 5: Lalita Laloo's Legal Lip Remover
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong curry. Green chillies freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Curry using mince and paaya; could use more tomato. Must admit the green chillies make a strong statement.
The Merchant: My ears are ringing, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me burst into flames. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her curry had given me brain damage. Nurse Aunty saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring chilled coke directly on it from a pitcher. It really blasts me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those Durbanites!
*****Curry # 6: Vaanmathies Very Vegetarian Vindaloo Variety
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spice and chillies.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of chillies, onions, and garlic. Superb.
The Merchant: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that big hairy Nurse Aunty. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone! Call the missus and tell her to keep the toilet roll in the freezer.
******Curry # 7: Subashnee's Screaming Sensation Chilli Curry
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre curry with too much reliance on red and green chillies.
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chillies at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
The Merchant: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with red curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach.
*****Curry # 8: Hawa Bibi's Hell-Hath-No-Fury Curry Bomb
JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending... this is a nice blend curry, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced curry, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell and pulled the curry pot on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor guy. I dont think these guys from Joburg are cut out for our Durban Curries.
The Merchant: ---- (editor's note: comments were totally inappropriate to report.)

On Cops & Robbers. Is There A Difference?

"If I have an object, and you have an object, and we exchange objects, we each have one object.
If I have an idea, and you have an idea, and we exchange ideas, we each have 2 ideas."

So I go down this weekend to bring The Maiden and The Butterfly back home to where they belong. I'll probably leave Friday afternoon, and i've scheduled a meeting with customs and clearing agents while im there for Monday, so i'll probably get back Tuesday night. The last time I went down to the coast, I subconsciously beat all land-speed records for a diesel-powered BMW. In the process, I was pulled over by a cop, for, of course, speeding. Needless to say, I filled in Blue Form R100 in duplicate, handed it over, and the last thing I saw in my rearview mirror as I pulled off was his broad grin knowing he'd eat Spur instead of MacDonalds that night.
So this weekend I intend taking a nice leisurely drive down, and since I never drive faster than legally allowed with The Maiden or The Butterfly on board, I figure for once i'll actually take the time to appreciate the flowers and mountains en-route...... Nah, that's just gay. I'll be looking out for those annoying, pesky fun-blockers who hide in bushes like little pygmies and have nothing better to do than seduce bribes out of responsible speed freaks like myself ;) Speaking of annoying cops, I recently figured out why KZN has the largest number of them per province. It's because when you qualify as a cop in KZN, along with your 25c Diploma you also get free Ray-Bans. Strues bob!

Just Thought You Should Know

"May The Force Be With You"

In case you've been wondering, these are the members of The Force that i'd be sending to bring back The Butterfly just in case things get nasty. On the left, Han Solo (aptly named since he's unmarried;) and on the far right, Obi-Wan Kenobi. In the middle, Aunt Beru, keeping a beady eye on these 2 to make sure they stay in line.

"SABREEN. . . . . I AM YOUR FATHER!"

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away.... Ok, seriously now, 2 weeks is a long time. Come home already!! Else im going to have to send The Force to bring you back to The Empire. You really dont want The Force chasing The Butterfly and The Maiden in the galaxy, now do you?

Dreams Revealed

So I've been having these recurring dreams night after night, for the past 2 weeks, and decided to see a Dream Therapist who could explain their meaning to me. Now before I go any further, let me say that prior to today, I never would have believed anyone could study to be a Dream Therapist, let alone that they had a term for it! Can you imagine studying to be a Dream Therapist? It's 10pm, your mom knocks on your door, you're fast asleep, she screams "Get your lazy butt out of bed!! You're writing your finals tomorrow!" .. and you respond with "Leave me alone, im studying!" Ok, so beside getting paid to sleep and dream and have an all-round good time, today I learnt that Dream Therapists actually do have a meaningful void to fill in our otherwise mundane lives.

The pic above is what i've constantly been seeing in my dreams, night after night. Now 2 weeks is a long time to be seeing the same picture in your dreams. Anyways, 200 bucks and 1 hour later and here's her remarkable revelation on what these dreams actually mean: The hand represents The Maiden (always in control and yielding immense power). No arguing with that one ;) Ok.. the pin represents The Butterfly (Tiny yes, but she can still make you jump to attention at a moments notice)..... and lastly, since i've been away from The Maiden and The Butterfly for 2 weeks already, she points out that the balloon represents my current sleep pattern. I still havent figured that one out yet..... ;)

The Jury Rests Its Case

On the top, The Butterfly's toes. On the bottom, Khalajaans toes. Spot the difference :) Both paternal and maternal family members needless to say, are extremely overjoyed that The Butterfly has feet and toes just like her daddy :)

The Beauty Contest

Having been inundated with questions regarding whom The Butterfly gets her gorgeous looks from, i've decided to settle the matter once and for all by having an Online Beauty Contest Poll.

On the top, The Merchants beautiful sisters and cousins. On the bottom, The Maidens sister, aka Khalajaan. Voting is open to all, including the visually impaired :)

Ian Flemming called....

.. said they found their guy for the new James Bond movie. I wonder who he meant? Meanwhile, im planning a trip to see The Butterfly soon. All this waiting is driving me insane.

Favourite Pics # 4

Thats me kid brother and me baby sis. Anyone even thinking of winning The Butterfly over are gonna have to get past this formidable pair first, and thats no easy task.

Favourite Pics # 3

Thats me baby sis and her hubby. The car comes a distant second in the "Cool" factor.

A Bevy of Beauties

Having been away from both The Maiden and The Butterfly for a week already, the time had come for me to surround myself with a bevy of beauties to calm the nerves and assure me that The Maiden's words "You Are The Man" still rings true. From left to right, Fatima, me baby sis Aadi, my good friend Dawood's daughter Naazneen, me sis Shams, and Aadi's niece in front. If The Butterfly gets any of these genes, she's gonna be one heck of a looker. With me as her dad, that's just a walk in the park ;)

SURVIVOR: LENASIA

Having been invited to longtime family friend and just an all-round fantastic guy Dawood Tagari's daughters wedding reception, I couldnt think of a better way of spending a Sunday afternoon. So off it was to Lenz, siblings in tow. Strikingly good looking bunch that we are, it was no wonder that there were reports of traffic coming to a standstill and paparazzi being mobilised to fly in for the occassion. (This particular pic was in fact wrestled from the hands of a feisty People Magazine photographer.) At times like these, my burly frame and quick feet come in handy :)

Home is where The Butterfly is

Ok, so you're probably wondering where the pic is, right? Well, the Butterfly's gone to her grandparents for 2 weeks, so im here all by my lonesome self, falling asleep hugging her pyjama's and booties :(

Anyways, I go down in 2 weeks time to bring both The Maiden and The Butterfly back where they belong. I've been advised that the grandparents may put up some resistance, so i've been practising in my meanest and most authoritative voice "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?"

I spent the evening at my wingman Jam's place, and he had his niece Lameez and nephew Zameer over, along with Shubnum (his wife), Irfan (Shubnums brother) and Shabier (Jam's brother and also the kid's dad.) We ended up playing this really cool Playstation family game called Buzz! Awesome fun, and heck did I enjoy myself. Now here's the interesting bit... I had Lameez as my partner during the game, and even though we lost miserably, on my way home I realised that in a few years, i'll be partnering The Butterfly in games and other fun kid stuff. I sooo look forward to that, and if the truth be told, the joy I get out of being around kids and just enjoying the fun and laughter they afford me has a whole new meaning.

The Hands That Bind

I've seen my daughter crying
I've seen her heart in two
I've seen when she is hurting
And when she's down and blue

She sometimes needs someone special
To give her heart a gentle tug
But then sometimes all she really needs
Is a great big Father hug.

Soul To Sole

The Significant Other once suggested I kiss the bottom of The Butterfly's feet. At first I thought it was to introduce me to the amazing feeling of closeness and warmth felt between parent and child. After some thought, i've realised it's actually a sinister plot between The Sisterhood to get all men to kneel before the women they love in any and all forms, and kiss the soles of their feet in a humbling act of subservience. Well, if the immense love and pride I felt in kissing The Butterfly's feet are anything to go by, I say "All Men Shall Bow Before Thy Womens Feet. Go Forth And Kiss Them!"

Favourite Pics # 2

One of my favourite pics of The Butterfly, aka Sabreen. The clean-shaven head is my handiwork, the boxing pose obviously something The Butterfly was secretly taught by The Maiden (I would know, i've seen The Maiden in that pose right before my lights were turned out on a few occasions ;)

And Baby Makes Three

For those who dont know it yet, The Butterfly has officially been named. Sabreen, which means "patience and perseverance" was named on Saturday 29 July, 2006

Hair today, gone tomorrow

Of course once you do finally charge the shaver and get the job done, youre back to being The Maidens knight in shining armour and the Butterfly's hero. A job well done, and no scars too!!

Rule Number 1 In Head Shaving

Always make sure that the electric shaver you are using is fully charged before commencing, else you run the risk of having your precious one's head looking like "The Last Of The Mohicans meets Cape Flats Rapper." Either way, The Maiden will not be impressed and the Butterfly wont be very popular in the company of other babies or mothers ;)

SLEEP DEPRIVATION EXPERIMENT

This pic has nothing to do with anything. IT'S ALMOST 4AM, MY BRAIN IS FRIED.... LEAVE ME ALONE!! I NEED SLEEP!! 2 SUGARS WITH MY CAKE AND A FORK FOR MY TEA PLEASE.

Competition Competition Competition

Im sure by now you will have noticed that the posts are getting shorter and the times of posting getting later. If you can guess why, you win a weeks holiday babysitting The Butterfly, also known as Bootcamp.

Eyes Wide Shut

What do a New Years Eve Party and Fatherhood have in common? At the end of the night for either of them, you look as trashed as I do here. The only thing fake here is the smile. At 5am I have a very specific place where i'd like to shove that camera.

The Butterfly in thought.

Worth every minute of lost sleep and wailing.

Femme Fatale

You've heard of Charlie's Angles. Now meet Kaloo's Angels.
When the Butterfly needs to call on some Girl Power, there'll be no short-supply from this awesome foursome. Potential diaper-cowboy scallywag boyfriends beware!

Butterfly School

The Merchants kid sister and her hubby, dutifully taking notes on how to make the perfect Butterfly. (At this point I hadnt gotten to the chapter on sleepless nights and diapers which whiffed of eggs, cabbage and Prune Juice Cocktail... tsk tsk.. hence the smiles ;)

Show me some love

The Merchants sister all proud and beaming. Evidently The Butterfly comes from good gene pool stock :)